Unwavering Espresso


What is a morning without coffee? Most days I can’t function without it…twice. I’m pretty sure I’m not human until the taste of espresso runs through my veins. Daily I witness the resurrection of the dead. Coffee is the miracles, signs and wonders we’ve been looking for.

Since I started my 4 AM workouts, stopping at my favorite Starbucks in Hipsterville, USA (Uptown, Minneapolis) quickly became an inconvenience. I had two options; I could either end my workouts early or accrue daily occurrences for my tardiness and eventually lose my job. I was unwilling to sacrifice Baby Serena (the name of my dream body) and my coins. So I opted for a new pusher.

Conveniently they were located inside my job and advertised they sold Starbucks product. How bad could it be?

Day 1 – Coffee-ish

I approached the register managing to show off all 42 — no wait 32, however many teeth I’m supposed to have, only to be greeted with silence. I clinched my pearls and my panties began to bunch. “Can I have almond milk chai latte with 2 shots of my espresso?” I patiently awaited him to say “Oh! You want it extra dirty?” that was the Starbucks way. Again, nothing. He stated my total. As he returned my card I noticed right away his hand-eye coordination was impaired because he completely missed my hand and dropped it on the counter instead.

My pearls have now broken and what was once briefs, turned cheeky. I was dumbfounded by his rudeness. I immediately put Don Miguel Ruiz “Four Agreements” into practice. Don’t take anything personally – he treats everyone like this. Don’t make assumptions – maybe this guy is having a bad day. Always do your best and be impeccable with your words – as I picked my card up “thank you”.

Finally my fix arrived. I grabbed the cup with both hands and naturally my shoulder met my ears as I inhaled an aroma that should have been pure perfection.

This was not the good stuff.

My eyes didn’t begin to roll in the back of my head and I didn’t turn into another person. I got a little hit, but not a HIT HIT. What could I do? After all, he had what I needed and I banked on this encounter daily.

Day 2 and Beyond

Every day was like the day before. Greeted with his muted RBF. Instead of providing what I ordered, I got what he wanted me to have. Most days I knocked on the doors of death as he decided when my drinks should contain dairy. Who cares that I asked for non-dairy or that I’m highly allergic? And whenever I complained “I guess I can start completely over” he would say, as if I was inconveniencing him.

This man was undefeated.

No one could break him. He didn’t care who you were, his rudeness had no respect of persons. His position never changed, not even on Fridays. While many reverted to other forms of caffeine as their new defibrillator. I looked forward to seeing him.

I was a fan.

Eventually, it was no longer about the coffee. This antagonist was mesmerizing. I thought I caught a smile once, I’m relieved it wasn’t. It probably would have pained his muscles to actually smile. I was betting on him to go all the way. In my world where everything seemed so flighty, he was consistent.

In my weird-psychological-twisted admiration, I questioned if I had the ability to follow suite. Could I have one disposition? Especially being someone who is often a prisoner to their emotions. I definitely didn’t want be angry like him, I personally knew the energy it required. Maybe I’ll be unwavering. The type of unwavering where you are so fixated on what you know, it’s impossible to be shaken, to be moved. The essence of who he was, I was jealous I lacked. His consistency.

As espresso often aids in my ability to adult for the day, this encounter helped me recognize the other fixes I’m dependent on. They can easily be exposed as excuses, emotions and current circumstances. They have become my personal aid in how I choose to endure my day and how I treat people. It’s crazy how I’ve selected to be subject to vain imaginations, when freedom is there and always will be there eagerly awaiting to be selected.

How dope would it be to be so steadfast in what you believe, that people check in frequently due to their disbelief to see if you have broken ONLY to find out that you haven’t? Our disposition in life is always a choice. Which one will you choose today?



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